An overview for Sunday school teachers and Bible study leaders, of Lifeway’s “Explore the Bible” lesson of I Peter 3:1-12, for Sunday March 30, 2025, with the title, “Relationships.” A video version of this overview is available on YouTube at:

INTRODUCTION:

In 1959 a question had arisen within Magdalene college in England, where C.S. Lewis taught, about dismissing their librarian, who had the reputation of being a great bore.  Lewis wrote to plead for his retention. He acknowledged that Whiteley’s conversation fatigued and dejected him more than that of anyone else he knew. Yet Lewis thought it “dishonourable” to turn him out because of his “boringness” when he provided good service. He wrote to one of the authorities: “I feel v(ery) Strongly that to suffer bores patiently — ’gladly’ may be impossible — is a plain duty, and that it is even plainer when we owe them some gratitude.” To Hooper, Lewis added, “Let us not forget that Our Lord might well have said ‘As ye have done it unto one of the least of these my bores, ye have done it unto me.”” Lewis biographer Harry Poe concluded from all this: “The Christian faith was not merely true for Lewis; it made a difference in how he treated people.” (Harry Lee Poe, The Completion of C.S. Lewis, pp. 339-340)

You might use one or both of these discussion questions that spring off of that story:

??? Did your faith in Christ make a difference in the way you treated someone this past week? Anyone want to share an example???

??? What are some of the relationships that our Christian faith should make a difference in, today???

(Of course the answers could be endless: work relationships, school relationships, family relationships, relationships with service people, post people — everyone we meet. You might make sure your group does not forget the marriage relationship!)

Then add:

This morning in I Peter 3:1-12, we’re going to see how Peter applies the fact that some of our specific relationships should be different, because of our faith in Christ.

CONTEXT

It is very important to remember the context of our passage here in I Peter 3. There is a “chapter break” for Chapter 3, but the theme from last week really continues. Peter had been talking about how important that submission to legitimate authority was to our witness: in 2:13 he commanded us to “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution.” This command was given specifically in the context of our witness to the world: he said this was “For the Lord’s sake,” as part of :12’s command to keep our behavior excellent among the Gentiles” who were slandering them. So part of our lifestyle witness as Christians is to live in submission to authority: to “line up” under authorities like good soldiers in an army. Peter then began applying that principle of subjection to authority in specific ways: he said in :13 to kings, then in 14 to governors; then servants to their masters in :18. So he’s giving us a whole list of specific ways we should submit to different authorities — ending with how we should follow Jesus’ example of submission to God’s will in suffering.

So don’t miss this: that now this theme just continues on into Chapter 3, where he applies this same principle to wives and husbands — and then because this relationship is so important he goes into more detail about the marriage relationship, as it is undoubtedly THE single most important relationship in a married Christian’s life. Then he talks briefly about some of the husband’s responsibilities towards his wife, and concludes this section by talking about our relationships in general. So the outline for today will reflect that: 

OUTLINE

I.   Our relationship as a wife (:1-6)

II.  Our relationship as a husband (:7)

III. Our relationships in general (:8-12)

TEXT:

I. Our relationship as a wife (:1-6)

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and [a]respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”

This section starts off “in the same way” — this refers back to what we were talking about in the introduction: that this whole section of I Peter is talking about how Christians should be subject to authority, as part of their witness to the world. 

A. Submission

Verse 1 commands wives specifically: “Be submissive to your own husbands.” A couple of things here:

— The word “be submissive” is “hupotassomenai,” the same word Peter used earlier in Chapter 2 about the other groups submitting to their authorities. As we’ve said, he’s just continuing this thought. A wife is to submit to the authority of her husband. It may not be a popular teaching today, but in scripture, there is only one head of a Christian household, and that is the husband. 

We see that here, and in Ephesians 5:22-23, which talks about it a little bit more:  “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

— Now, notice also, these verses do NOT say that a woman should be subject to “all men,” but only to “your own husbands.” That’s a big difference! Scripture actually elevates the position of women in society way beyond the cultural norm of their day, including God’s choice of women as the first witnesses to the Resurrection of Jesus, and much more.

And then notice at the end of :1 and :2 WHY Peter says he gives this command: “SO THAT” (this is a “purpose clause,” it gives us the purpose for the command): “SO THAT even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and [a]respectful behavior.”  He specifically says the reason to do this, is to be a good witness in the relationship — so that your unbelieving husband might be won by your respectful behavior, and not “turned off” by a rebellious and disrespectful wife. 

One thing this highlights is the fact that many Christian women in Peter’s day were married to unbelieving husbands; that’s why he applied this in this way. Of course that was not only true in the first century, but today too: many women in our churches have husbands who do not believe/go to church. 

How can we see them saved and come worship with us? We might think we need to verbally witness to them about it — and certainly there is a place to do that. But “sometimes” husbands get tired of hearing something from their wife. They tend to “tune them out” — call it the “wife voice,” or the “nagging voice,” or whatever. But Peter offers a better way: he says, let your LIFE witness to them, “as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior,” “they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.” So he says some of the best witnessing you can do to your husband, is the LIFE you live in front of him. 

ILLUSTRATION:

You might share this story — or you/your group may have another like it you can share. This particular testimony is from “The Transformed wife.com” (June 7, 2024) and is written by Trey M.:

“I grew up in a home where my father was not saved. My mother took my brother and me to church every time the doors were open, and my father did not object. We went to Sunday School, Church, VBS, summer church camps; everything the church had to offer for children and youth.

The times my father wanted to do something else on Sunday (go camping or fishing), my mother joyfully went, participated, and never complained about missing church. Honestly, she never complained about anything that I can remember. She worked a 40 hour a week job outside of our home, kept our home spotless, all the clothes washed, cooked all of the meals, and even did the lawncare until I was old enough to do it. She loved and served my father, and he knew it.

Even though my father was lost and imperfect in many ways (tobacco, drinking, cursing, bad TV, etc.), I never heard a dishonoring word come out of her mouth about him. She always taught my brother and me to respect him and hold him in the highest regard. Both my brother and I came to a saving knowledge of Christ at a very young age.

It took 17 years (after they were married) but my father eventually got saved and became the spiritual leader of our family. When asked about his salvation, his testimony was that my mother drew him to Christ.”

(You/others in your group may have similar stories to share (you might ask if anyone does and allow them to share.)

And then you might conclude this section by saying, Can you see how a wife who was not submitting to, or respecting, her husband, would not be a good witness to him — (And of course this was especially true in the first century, when even society in general expected a woman to submit to her husband.) Or how the reverse might be true — that like in Trey M’s testimony, his mother’s submissive, respectful, behavior, led her husband to Christ. 

Depending on the composition of your class, you might ask if any wives present have unsaved husbands, and encourage everyone to put them on their prayers lists, a class list if you have one, and you might have a special time of prayer for them this session. 

B. Inner Beauty

Then :3-4 make a really good point, not only for wives but for all women — and indeed for all Christians of either sex: 

“Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

The main point he makes here, is that your “adornment,” (beauty,) should not just be EXternal, but INternal. He uses the examples of “braiding the hair … wearing gold jewelry … putting on dresses” — but we could substitute a number of things today.

(You might choose to discuss what some of those things are …)

I might point out that Peter does not absolutely prohibit these things; rather he makes the point, don’t let these EXTERNAL things be the primary source of your beauty. Instead, let what is attractive and beautiful about you, be what in INSIDE — INTERNAL, not outward things. He says in some of the most sensitive and exquisite language in the whole New Testament, which should be hung on the mantle or posted on the mirror of every Christian woman: “let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a quiet and gentle spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

Notice a couple of things about that:

— it is “hidden.” Godly qualities are not “seen;” they are not visible.

Former President Jimmy Carter once said: “the things that matter most are the things you can’t see …”. 

You might post that quote on a poster/slide and have your class discuss it. That’s certainly what God tells us here in I Peter 3:

— the most important thing about any woman is what you can’t see about her

— the most important thing about any MAN is what you can’t see about him!

— the most important thing about anyone is not what you can see; rather it is something that is invisible; something you can’t see. We need to practice that ourselves — and treat others that way too! 

— also, it is “imperishable.” Much earthly beauty is temporary; it fades with time. But the beauty of godliness never fades. The radiant beauty of a Christian woman who is holy, and loves, and cares, lasts a lifetime. You see that in godly women even as senior adults. THIS is what Peter says we should strive for.

As I mentioned, these verses not only apply to women, but to all Christians. The point is: Don’t let what is most important about you be external, but internal. Choose internal beauty and strength, not merely what is external. 

In our class a couple of years ago, we had a woman who was really growing in her commitment to Christ. She shared that she was going to make seeking God her priority in the morning — even if she didn’t get to straighten her hair! So a couple of times we chuckled when she came to church with uncharacteristically wavy hair — but we knew she had the right priority: she had given that time to seeking God in His word & prayer instead! That’s just what this passage is talking about: make internal beauty your priority, not just external adornments. 

??? What is some “external” thing you “wouldn’t think about leaving home without doing,” that perhaps should not be as important as seeking God in His word & prayer first thing in the morning???

(Makeup, straighten hair/curl hair (depending on the person!), certain kinds of clothes, ironing clothes — or maybe even walking/running/lifting weights/working out, etc.)

After you’ve discussed these, encourage your group to make the internal, spiritual things the priority in their lives, not merely the external. Remind them that the most important thing about them, is “the hidden person of the heart.”

II. Our relationship as a husband (:7)

 “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

First of all, notice these words: “in the same way” again. Peter says just as wives have responsibilities in their relationships with their husbands, husbands have responsibilities too! He mentions a couple of things specifically here:

— “live with your wives in an understanding way”

The word “understanding” here is in Greek literally “according to knowledge.” KNOW your wife. Account for her strengths and weaknesses and preferences in the way you live with her. 

To help really apply this verse, you might ask:

??? What are some (very specific) ways you husbands can live with your wife “according to knowledge” — what are some specific things she likes/doesn’t like you to do around the house?

(For example, Cheryl really like me to cover my food in the microwave, so it doesn’t splatter all over the inside of it. For years I was not the best at this — and I mentioned that in a sermon, so one Christmas a very thoughtful person from church gave us a plastic food cover for our microwave that has magnets so it sticks to the top, so it is always right there. It was a perfect gift. On the tag she wrote: “To save your marriage!” But I’ve tried to be very diligent about that ever since — trying to live with my wife in an understanding way!)

Each of our wives (and husbands!) has things like this, which we should both be aware of, AND try our best to please them with.

(If your class is all women, apply this by discussing things your husbands like/dislike that you all need to account for. Or your kids/grandkids/fellow church members, and so on.)

The point is: we should be considerate of our spouse, and live with them in an understanding way. Your relationship with Christ should have a positive impact on your marriage relationship — and every other relationship as well! 

— “show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.”

Too many men mistreat their wives: belittling them, abusing or mistreating them, or ignoring them. No Christian man should treat his wife this way. God commands us here to show our wife HONOR as a “fellow heir.” As we saw in Chapter 1, Christians have an amazing eternal inheritance in glory through Christ — and this is so not only for men, but also for WOMEN! Not only for the husband, but also for the wife. She is a “fellow heir” of God’s grace of eternal life. She too will have a glorified body; she too will have an eternal reward — maybe as much or more than her husband will! He should treat her with respect. 

I’ve mentioned in a past lesson the quote from C.S. Lewis’ sermon “The Weight of Glory,” in which he says that “the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship”! This applies to a Christian wife! She is fellow heir of glory. If you could see her now as she will be then, you would be strongly tempted to worship her, so glorious will she be! So treat her with the respect that such a glorious creature is due.

THEN notice he closes the verse with a kind of warning: “SO THAT your prayers will not be hindered.” In other words, he’s saying, the way you treat your wife will impact your spiritual life. You can’t ignore, or neglect, or despise, or ridicule, or certainly abuse, or be unfaithful, or in any way mistreat your wife, and think that you are a “spiritual person” and in good standing with God. You are not! Like C.S. Lewis in the introduction, our Christianity should affect all of our relationships, and THE single most important relationship any of us has, is with our spouse. Our faith should affect the way we treat our spouse. If it does not, there is something vitally wrong at the core of our faith. As Ephesians 5 points out, husbands are to exemplify by their love for their wife, how Christ loves the church. You can’t neglect that vital witness, and think that God is “ok” with it, and will hear your prayers. 

The underlying lesson here is: your relationship with your spouse WILL affect your spiritual life. Your marriage is THE single most important relationship in your life, and your walk with God WILL have a positive impact on it, if it is genuine.  

III. Our relationships in general (:8-12)

“To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; 9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 10 For, “The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.

11 “He must turn away from evil and do good;
He must seek peace and pursue it.

12 “For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
And His ears attend to their prayer,
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Now after addressing our marriage relationships, the scripture moves on to discuss all the Christian’s relationships in general: “to sum up, all of you” — in other words, this is for everybody, in every kind of relationship. He gives several (7) commands about how Christians are to live in relationships with others:

— “harmonious”:  literally “single-minded” — get along! Don’t be disagreeable. Like Philippians 2:2 says “be of the same mind” with others. 

— “sympathetic”: “sum-pathos” = “together/feeling.” Feel with people. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) Don’t make things all about how YOU feel; sympathize with others. 

— “brotherly”: “philadelphoi” — like Philadelphia is the “City of Brotherly Love,” so we should have a “brotherly love” for all with whom we have relationships. 

— “kindhearted” = “eu-splagnos” = “good/inner parts or feelings.” Have a kind, compassionate attitude towards other people. 

— “humble in spirit”: Philippians 2 again has the best commentary on this quality, in :3-4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

— “not returning evil for evil”

DON’T merely treat people the way they treat you. Follow Jesus’ commands from Matthew 5 in the Sermon on the Mount, and “turn the other cheek,” and “bless those who curse you” — which is exactly what the next quality says: 

— “giving a blessing.” Say something GOOD, even to people who have cursed you. 

Then he closes this section in :10-12 by quoting from Psalm 34:12-16 to back up what he is saying. Note how often the Lord inspired His New Testament writers to quote the Old Testament. Do not denigrate or neglect the Old Testament, it is foundational. And we should certainly imitate their propensity to have a scriptural basis for everything we teach!

After discussing these qualities you might ask your group to share:

??? Which of these 7 qualities sticks out to you the most/perhaps applies to a relationship in your own life right now/or seems to be missing from many relationships today???

A good way to close your class today might be to just pray through this list in this kind of way: 

“Lord, help us to reflect YOU in ALL of our relationships this week. Help us to be ‘harmonious, sympathetic,’ have 

brotherly love,’ be ‘kindhearted, humble in spirit,’ and not return evil for evil to anyone, but give a blessing instead. May YOU make a difference in the way that we treat everyone You bring across our path this week. We pray in Jesus’ name, amen!”

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— These weekly lessons are based on content from Explore the Bible Adult Resources. The presentation is my own and has not been reviewed by Lifeway.

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